In a heavy saucepan over medium heat, melt 2T of the butter. Add the celery, onion, jalapeno, garlic and thyme and cook, stirring often, until softened (around 8 minutes). Add half the lager and cook until reduced by half (about 5 minutes). Add the broth. Use an immersion blender to smooth out the soup a little, leaving some chunkiness in tact. Bring to a simmer.
In a small skillet over medium-low heat, melt the remaining 1/4C butter. Add the flour and cook, stirring, until lightly browned (about 2 minutes). Whisk this roux into the soup until incorporated, and bring to a simmer. Cook until thickened (about 8 minutes). Add the cream, cheeses and remaining lager and simmer, stirring occasionally, until thick and creamy (about 5 more minutes). Season with salt & pepper to taste. If the soup is too thick, add a little more broth.
Cook Quorn Bacon Style Slices following package instructions, until very crispy but not burned. Chop coarsley.
Ladle soup into 6 bowls and top with chopped "bacon." Serve with a chunk of baguette or garlic toasts, or top with crumbled potato chips, or even popcorn!